Worried about the Stats
Earlier this week someone tried to break into my grandparents’ house. That’s unofficial as the police are still investigating. You see, at 2:30 am, the outer panel of the double-glazed door in their porch was smashed. Naturally, this woke my grandad (not my gran, deaf as a post, she could sleep through an air raid). It woke the neighbours too. When the police arrived he explained the situation and voiced his concern about a possible intruder. The police, however, had other thoughts. They asked if he could have knocked it with his wheelie bin. My grandad carefully explained that he is not in the habit of putting out his rubbish at half past two in the morning. They then asked if it was possible he backed the car into it. Again, my grandad answered in the negative. The neighbourhood watch representative then decided it must have been something that fell from a passing aircraft. Short of having been laser guided in with greater accuracy than any military force is capable of, I doubt it. The next thought was that some kids threw a stone at it, which would have taken some doing as his car was in the way, but he emailed me a few days later to say that the latest theory was that a bird flew into it. Now, I’m not an ornithological expert, but I don’t remember seeing that many birds about at 2:30 am. Even if there were, how many have the capability to hit a window hard enough to smash it and then fly off? I’ve walked into glass doors and not done any damage, so anything less than a condor as full tilt wouldn’t have made a dent in my humble opinion. When finishing up the Scene of Crimes Officier made this helpful insight: ’some thing has definitely hit it, but I dont know what.’ Genius, I feel reassured already.
The only thing we can think is that they don’t want to report it as a possible break-in because it’ll appear on their crime stats and as there’s little chance of them ever finding the person it will remain open for a long time, making them look bad. What a sorry state of affairs.
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